“Should I, should I not?”
Is this question absolutely ruining your love life from taking the leap? Are you still building up courage to ask out the new, cute girl in office? Or, are you too confused which restaurant to pick to make a good first impression? Or, now that you have it all ready – what to do on a DATE! *bites nails*
Dating has come a long, long way in the past 10 – 15 years. Letters have been replaced with texts, sighs with emojis and then there is the all permeating feminism. At times, it becomes too confusing and complicated to handle. The rules have certainly been redefined but they come doused in a lot of mixed signals, left entirely to the person in front to decode.
Well, we try to help you out a bit by clearing some of the air:
• Always make an effort to be on time.
Yes, things happen, but you really don’t want to keep your date waiting. When people wait too long they immediately go into “OMG-I’ve-been-stood-up” mode. That’s not fun for anyone. If you’re running more than 10 minutes late, be sure to text and keep them posted.
• Really listen to them
So maybe you’ve stumbled upon a topic that is slowly killing you because you have zero interest; that’s fine. At least listen to what they’re saying so you can more than give a “Mhm.”
• It’s okay to split the bill
For a lot of men, a date is still about footing the bill, especially the first one. However, more and more women are offering to split the tab now. So, if it is the first date and she offers, just go dutch. Not only is it a win – win, it will make the girl more comfortable around you. But don’t fight over the cheque just for the heck of it.
• Honesty is the best policy
Worried where this came from? It is from all those moments when one is stuck pondering what to do about this guy they don’t like. Say so. If you like someone, just the sentence – “it was nice. Let us do it again.” is enough. If not, tell them the truth. And if you are not the other side, do not pester them with either excitement or questions.
• Don’t dwell on your ex
I mean, that’s just a given. If they do ask, be as honest as you’re comfortable with, but be wary of talking smack. This date is about a new beginning, and there’s plenty of time to rehash your past if you get involved.
If they talk about their ex, just smile and make a mental note. If they talk poorly about their ex, then ugh. They’ve just kissed a second date goodbye.
• …But disclose if you’re not emotionally available
While you don’t need to reveal your full history, if you know you’re completely on the rebound and have no interest in a relationship, you should be honest about that — especially if you can tell they like you, or want something long term.
• Wait it out
Yes, people are becoming more liberal about sex. But the age old charm of mystery still holds. 80% of singles on to the three date rule. If you really like your date, a kiss is ideally as far as you should go on the first date. The delay does add to the charm and mystery and as they say – “if it’s easy, I don’t want it”.
• It’s okay to follow up
This is a tricky one. But it is not about if but when. After how long should one follow up? Too early and one ends up sounding pesky. Too late and the other might have moved on. As per a survey by Match.com, 24 hours is the minimum time while some might extend it to as much as three days. Just be sure that you use the right mode of communication.
• Add them as a Facebook friend
Yes, you can add them as a Facebook friend but not immediately after your first date. Rest assured, it will surely creep them out. While some may like to do so after at least 3 dates, there are others who would like to do so only after they are exclusive. So again, it is okay, go ahead ask them. Just don’t pester and don’t prod.
So, there – we just saved you some time, energy and heartache! Friends are after all, the best advisers.